Comments on: Virtual Public, Virtual Private, and Immeasurable Distances

By: David

David — Mon, 18 Jul 2011 18:21:10 +0000

Whatever the deranged nastiness of Carolyn Bourne’s email (for which, it seems, she has shown no contrition), Heidi’s friends/contacts have neither augmented nor diminished the crime by publicising it, and may not have acted in the couple’s best interests. Heidi could have done herself a favour by not showing the email to anyone but family, though it could be understood as a knee-jerk response to a sickening, stifling shock. If Heidi is a victim, so is Freddie, who must deal with the fact that his stepmother not only cannot be happy for him, but pities him. Going by what the couple have now said to the press, hope for the relationship does not seem to be an issue, but this is a story that we cannot and probably should not follow through its forthcoming chapters.

By: KaM

KaM — Mon, 18 Jul 2011 16:00:22 +0000

Well, exactly, my friend. The ability to make private material public is one of the very few discentives there is to private bullying. To those ends, wherever possible (though I’ve not always gone by this), I’ll try my best to keep what’s private that way. Even if I felt the need to quote soundbytes, I wouldn’t want it to be identifiable. Somehow, I’d sooner hear what’s to be said on the basis that I’m expected to honour the privacy of a conversation than have it not be said because of the expectation that I would bark straight to the public sphere. But if it can be a discentive to sad and hurtful things at all, I’ve no complaints with that scenario.

With that in mind, sadly, I would find several to blame in the Heidi Withers catastrophe. Even if the mother-in-law might have expected more privacy, she has been revealed for her callousness. That’s the part that feels morally acceptable. But the fallout has been greater than that. Why the lass felt the need to circulate it when there would have been other means of consolation, I do not know. Whichever friends thought it their property to circulate are no better. They’ve dragged the family, and Miss Heidi’s reputation through the gutter (even if I did like her father’s quip). What hope for the relationship now? I feel sorry for the girl, I really do, but there are responsibilities in authorship and reception. Having it end up in the press is a shambles, and all have to suffer the shame now. That’s my take, anyhow. What about yourself, good sir? x

By: KaM

KaM — Mon, 18 Jul 2011 15:00:24 +0000

Your clients won’t be thanking me then?

I’m sure there would be few statements better made than changing a homepage’s text to ‘These planks haven’t paid me…. still!’

We’ll catch up soon, my friend.

By: David

David — Wed, 06 Jul 2011 19:13:12 +0000

With reference to your third-from-last paragraph: I have been hurt at least as much by public attacks as by private and secluded ones. On occasion I have found it morally justifiable to share hurtful private missives, even if the sender might have preferred – but didn’t specifically ask – that I didn’t.

With that in mind, I would welcome your thoughts (now there’s a loaded term) on the recent case of Heidi Withers and family. Ironically, her name would be a gift to a story writer wanting to portray a shrinking violet.

By: Alastaire Allday

Alastaire Allday — Wed, 06 Jul 2011 07:46:54 +0000

“I haven’t heard from you!’ somewhere visible will likely procure a response. Nobody wants to look bad publicly for having ignored another.”

How very true. And worthy of further investigation…