First, I must point out that not all counsellors are paid. In fact, I know of at least one university counselling service, staffed by volunteers, that was willing to phone its callers back, thereby taking on the expense. Second, as for what one is paying for, I would suggest that it is rather more than simply attention. Training; guaranteed confidentiality; the right words and ideas to enable self-help; amnesia even – a package that even the dearest well-meaning friend may be unable to promise us. Moreover, how does it feel to tell a friend a problem and not get an acknowledgement, let alone an answer? I would say that there is more barbarity and tragedy to found in that experience than there is in paying to avoid it. And for all that old friends at their best can offer, there is also something to be said for the experience of building a relationship of trust and honesty with a stranger, regardless of whether money is involved.

I do appreciate that there is something compellingly appealing about overcoming an obstacle without outside assistance. It is the reason why I never ask for directions when I am lost, why I never request gift ideas when there are presents to be bought. If you know that you do not want ever to try counselling, then others must respect that choice. But I would not like to think that what you have written about it in your entry is the sum total of your views. The bigger picture is easy to find: search online for ‘counselling’. Or if you want a starting point, I recommend this page.

Giving banknotes to a lapdancer could in the long term prove a dehumanising step; writing a cheque to a counsellor could prove a rehumanising step. With respect, they are far more different than they are similar.

If I knew how to change – to be more – I would. Lacking self-sufficiency is tough, but I hope it’s not such a bad thing. Shouldn’t others bring out the best in us? There’s a line from Robert Browning (on whom the Marchmont poem was based): ‘a man’s reach should exceed his grasp, Or what’s a Heaven for?’ If our best lay within ourselves, where’s the enhancement from companionship, friendship, loving…? Shouldn’t love make you more of a person than you’ve ever been? xx