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Posts Tagged 'Psychology'

Shadow Seasons: An Epilogue, 2011

Dedicated to the few who messaged on New Year’s Eve.

2011 was a story I don’t know how to tell. It’s a year that had so many structural positives, countered by surface negatives. Perhaps it’s best defined by what others have said.

Shadows

In the early summer, I was ‘strange’, ‘sick’ and ‘damaged goods’. Thanks. In the mid-summer, I was an expletive abomination. Consequently, in the late summer, I was branded a defeatist.

Victimisation does arise sometimes. Not because it is wanted – if there’s a brand of people who don’t want to be happy, this author is not one of them – but because it’s a way of dealing with the various angles of attack and the after-effects that cannot be disguised.

Continue reading ‘Shadow Seasons: An Epilogue, 2011′

The Invisible Self

Published December 2, 2011 Edinburgh , Literature 3 Comments
Tags: Edinburgh, Friendship, Poetry, Privacy, Psychology, Secrecy, Self-Confidence, Self-Discipline

As a child, I remember keeping two football posters for any length of time. One was Chris Waddle at Sheffield Wednesday, the other was Gary Speed at Leeds.

Sad times. I lament saying that when encountering the headline ‘Gary Speed found dead’, I knew what the cause would be.

Removing the football side of this story, there was a universally liked and respected individual (which is a real challenge in football), with talent, good looks, a wonderful family. Everyone spoke highly of him, admired his energy, and said how happy he always seemed.

A life, alas, defined by its too-perfect happiness. It’s not a new phenomenon to believe that the happiest people are often the most unstable, and there’s sociological suggestions that the happiest states have the highest suicide rates.

Perfect happiness is a symptom. It’s the perfect mask to the secret invisible self. Continue reading ‘The Invisible Self’

All-Important Questions

Published November 20, 2011 Literature , research 1 Comment
Tags: Andrew Marvell, Literature, Poetry, Privacy, Psychology, Self-Confidence, Seventeenth Century

Every so often, we hit those defining moments where we ask ourselves the all-important questions. What has made us who we are? Why do we do what we do? Why do we live the way we live? What do we value most in life?

And it’s hard, because to approach such questions risks revealing many difficult answers, or things that we never want to contemplate. I’ve been drawn to revisit a favourite post of mine again, which describes how things that we pretend are complicated are often remarkably simple. And so, with that in mind, I ask myself why I do what I do, and if it reflects the person I am and want to be.

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New Horizons

Published November 12, 2011 Geneva , Leicester , Literature 1 Comment
Tags: Aegis Quest, Andrew Marvell, Blogging, Geneva, Poetry, Psychology, Self-Discipline

Inspired by, and dedicated to, those who didn’t write me off. (And welcome to any students who are looking for information on Marvell and arriving here. Please do contact me if you want any help).

This could be a maelstrom: of sentiments; of changes; of minds and mysteries. Much has changed in recent weeks, with positive challenges and valued rewards. It has been difficult to document it all, and the positivity comes with understandable nervousness and a touch of trepidation.

“The only way is onwards…”

Ideally, we want our lives to lead upwards trajectories. When somebody hits particular heights for themselves, they struggle to contemplate living within or below that potential. That’s the intricate psychology of accomplishment.

My life took such a monumental leap four years ago that when the subsequent falls struck with intent, no amount of trying, support, or soul-searching could arrest the slide, nor console its gravity. And this beautiful little portal came to life, with its artistry, its cadence, and its candour, as sadness drove and inspired my best writing.

I’ve told stories through feelings, and feelings through stories. I’ve read poetry through loneliness, and loneliness through poetry. I’ve discovered Marvell through myself, and myself through Marvell.

Continue reading ‘New Horizons’

Facing a Challenge

Published September 17, 2011 research 4 Comments
Tags: Andrew Marvell, Body Dysmorphic Disorder, Ekphrasis, Friendship, Psychology, Self-Confidence

This was not what I had anticipated publishing next, but it comes with the hope that the spectrum of ideas here will be filtered to avoid writing at length wherever possible. Let’s call it an attempt at empowerment.

Points in Time

David Tennant: Doctor Who - The Waters of Mars (2009)

The sci-fi talk about ‘fixed points in time’ is something that has really caught my attention before. Without the ability to turn back time, it’s left for us to acknowledge our life-defining moments (if we choose to do so).

Last week, while waiting for a Metro at Newcastle Central Station, a member of Nexus staff approached with a questionnaire about personal safety. Had I noticed police officers or Metro staff on the premises? Had I witnessed any antisocial behaviour? Did I know about the CCTV coverage and the alarm system? All so bittersweet, because a prank-attack 12 years ago at that very station was a life-defining moment. A chain of mental problems far outgrew the incident and haunted me for a long time – to the disbelief of most who knew me and to myself as well.

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Marvell, Glass, and ‘Upon Appleton House’

Published August 26, 2011 Literature , research 1 Comment
Tags: Andrew Marvell, Art, Dissertation, Early Modern, Ekphrasis, English Revolution, Interregnum, Literature, Mirrors, Poetry, Privacy, Psychology, Seventeenth Century

It is difficult to escape reflection. Mirrors are common enough (and, one might argue, hurtful enough), but windows are often reflectors as well as transparent portals. Personal experience also determines that reflection is there to antagonise the mind as well as to merely display the body. That is the paradigm of glass, a most ambivalent servant.

Ekphrasis becomes a common feature of Marvell’s Interregnum writing, but before it served his Cromwellian verse, these perspective features – of viewing and reflection, of the viewer and beyond – combine in a remarkable way in Marvell’s Upon Appleton House. Marvell’s portrayal of the private Lord Fairfax relies heavily on the construction and reflection of the self through private property and its (often vitrified) representations. Continue reading ‘Marvell, Glass, and ‘Upon Appleton House’’

Behind Closed Doors

Published August 19, 2011 Culture , Leicester , Literature Leave a Comment
Tags: Elizabeth Bishop, KUSP, Poetry, Privacy, Psychology, Radio, Robert Browning, Santa Cruz, Solitude

When I consider the poetry that inspires me the most, it all seems to have privacy at its root. Perhaps, given an earlier definition of poetry as ‘95% loneliness’, this is not surprising. Yet, not only does poetry have a long tradition of being a public form, but privacy as a theme remains a dark and complex subject that manifests itself in fascinating ways.

Our recent instalment on KUSP Radio, Santa Cruz, a 1-on-1 discussion with Gwynne Harries, was generously dedicated to my favourite poems. The (perhaps surprising) choices to best fit into the parameters of the show were ‘Sestina [September Rain]’ by Elizabeth Bishop, and ‘Porphyria’s Lover’ by Robert Browning, two poems that I’ve known and loved for many years, and which both deal with loss and loneliness from vastly different perspectives. As an addendum to what was discussed on the show, to compare these together offers something striking and special.

Continue reading ‘Behind Closed Doors’

‘To His Coy Mistress’? To Her Coy Master

Published July 18, 2011 Literature , research 1 Comment
Tags: Alcohol, Andrew Marvell, Autobiography, English Civil War, John Donne, Literature, Nigel Smith, Oscar Wilde, Poetry, Privacy, Psychology, Secrecy, Self-Confidence

This last week, so spoilt by social activity, the guards slipped and I revealed far too much. Now I must deal with the inner consequences of opening my mouth and letting fingers run too liberally across the keyboard. There are two ways this can go: either rein it back in and keep up pretences, or try to absolve it from the system. Wherever this takes me, then…

Parallel Lines

About 18 months ago, I joked that one of the most irrevocable traces of Andrew Marvell’s life was still rather unfamiliar to me. Now, I daresay, that has changed. In fact, ‘exalting the muse’ might be a useful description. The parallels only ever seem to run deeper…

"With great admiration, and in friendship, and thinking of the next Marvellians"

What most reviews of Nigel Smith’s new Andrew Marvell biography have not addressed is his controversial method of using the poems as evidence in chronological areas of best-fit. It’s brave and highly worthwhile, and a point worth raising because personal engagement with the poet and his troubled private reflections necessarily tempt us into handling evidence differently.

But how differently? Continue reading ‘‘To His Coy Mistress’? To Her Coy Master’

“Finders Keepers, holder Seekers hidden Secrets”: Writing in Cryptics

Published May 29, 2011 Knightmare , Literature 1 Comment
Tags: Knightmare, Literature, Poetry, Privacy, Psychology, Public Sphere, Secrecy, Self-Confidence, Speech-Acts, Thomas Wyatt

Finders Keepers, Knightmare S7

Most of us are guilty of this at some point: writing in cryptics. Why do we do it? Why express ourselves in terms that are not meant to be understood? Is it, perhaps, a deep subconscious desire to be public with our privacy? Is it more about reaching out, or being reached out to?

Aside from studying a poet forever burying his truth beneath layers of perplexity (if we are ever meant to find it at all), what interests me is the human tendency to overcomplicate problems, either out of shame, embarrassment or in trying to rescue some moral dignity.

Scenario: person A is in a relationship but goes to spend the day with person B, whom they have always had an attraction to. Person A ends the day feeling sheepish, unsettled and awkward, and explains it off as ‘it’s complicated’. It’s not complicated at all, but a collection of guilt and other unpleasant sensations that determines a distinctly defensive response. The majority of us will tie situations in knots to avoid a palpably and unescapably naked truth.

Continue reading ‘“Finders Keepers, holder Seekers hidden Secrets”: Writing in Cryptics’

Brands of Solitude: Poets and their Nature

Published May 19, 2011 Leicester , Literature , research 5 Comments
Tags: Andrew Marvell, Christina Rossetti, Conscience, Literature, Poetry, Privacy, Psychology, Radio, Santa Cruz, Self-Confidence, Solitude

The highlight of this year has been participating in recordings for The Poetry Show on KUSP Radio, Santa Cruz. This post is indebted to a discussion of Andrew Marvell’s ‘The Garden’ and Christina Rossetti’s ‘In the Willow Shade’ for our fourth installment which aired on 8th May, the best to date.

We all enjoy solitude at points in our lives. Privacy is not just a right, one might argue, but a human requirement. We all enjoy that little realm when the door is shut firmly behind us and we can lapse into self-sufficiency.

The fundamental problem is how to draw the right balance. Managing solitude can be vital to our psychological wellbeing. It is difficult to maintain relationships that have little contact, and even harder to develop new ones. We live in times where it is easy to get lost and forgotten if we do not project ourselves publicly. It is rare that people will come looking for us.

Continue reading ‘Brands of Solitude: Poets and their Nature’

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Writing Privacy

Posts Tagged 'Psychology'