Posts Tagged 'Self-Discipline'

The Invisible Self

As a child, I remember keeping two football posters for any length of time. One was Chris Waddle at Sheffield Wednesday, the other was Gary Speed at Leeds.

Sad times. I lament saying that when encountering the headline ‘Gary Speed found dead’, I knew what the cause would be.

Removing the football side of this story, there was a universally liked and respected individual (which is a real challenge in football), with talent, good looks, a wonderful family. Everyone spoke highly of him, admired his energy, and said how happy he always seemed.

A life, alas, defined by its too-perfect happiness. It’s not a new phenomenon to believe that the happiest people are often the most unstable, and there’s sociological suggestions that the happiest states have the highest suicide rates.

Perfect happiness is a symptom. It’s the perfect mask to the secret invisible self. Continue reading ‘The Invisible Self’

New Horizons

Inspired by, and dedicated to, those who didn’t write me off. (And welcome to any students who are looking for information on Marvell and arriving here. Please do contact me if you want any help).

This could be a maelstrom: of sentiments; of changes; of minds and mysteries. Much has changed in recent weeks, with positive challenges and valued rewards. It has been difficult to document it all, and the positivity comes with understandable nervousness and a touch of trepidation.

“The only way is onwards…”

Ideally, we want our lives to lead upwards trajectories. When somebody hits particular heights for themselves, they struggle to contemplate living within or below that potential. That’s the intricate psychology of accomplishment.

My life took such a monumental leap four years ago that when the subsequent falls struck with intent, no amount of trying, support, or soul-searching could arrest the slide, nor console its gravity. And this beautiful little portal came to life, with its artistry, its cadence, and its candour, as sadness drove and inspired my best writing.

I’ve told stories through feelings, and feelings through stories. I’ve read poetry through loneliness, and loneliness through poetry. I’ve discovered Marvell through myself, and myself through Marvell.

Continue reading ‘New Horizons’

Family and Personal Influences

Keeping a low profile.

At Royal Holloway yesterday I unwittingly intercepted both the arrival of a summer school contingent and the proud aftermath of a graduation ceremony. It was a poignant combination since it was summer school work that ‘prevented’ me from attending my own BA graduation.

Scuttling through in casual wear felt both embarrassing and alienating, much as the thought of graduating did. Summer school work actually proved a perfect excuse not to go.

I believe in reward for effort. It’s a very basic but effective principle, and one that in teaching or mentoring roles I have always tried to impart to my charges. If you go the extra mile, you want that dedication to have meaning and result. Sadly, in recent years, it’s a belief I’ve been losing faith in.

Proud graduates. Proud families. I’ve never been to a formal event that celebrated milestones. Continue reading ‘Family and Personal Influences’

Virtual Public, Virtual Private, and Immeasurable Distances

Tea and Text

“She cuts some bread and says to the child / It’s time for tea now...”

A sombre weekend is sometimes really useful and sometimes really difficult. I listened to ethereal soundscapes as the sun slowly ebbed away. I made tea and watched words blend upon its surface. It’s the kind of combination that can fuel anything, and thus it demands a lot more of me.

What the quietude has allowed is a quiet reassessment of the use of the public. Public and private are an emblematic dichotomy; yet they are not straightforward opposites, and the way in which each works to our sensibilities is quite different.

The understanding of public and private (but especially public) has long rested on several key concerns: one being the public and private ‘spheres’, of voice and discussion, and another being the public and private life, of sociability and community. As I see it, the virtual public and private, yet another dimension altogether, inextricably links these together in a fascinating and yet daunting way.

Continue reading ‘Virtual Public, Virtual Private, and Immeasurable Distances’

Presenting Conference Papers (for Vitae)

An edited version of the following was submitted as part of an application to become a contributor at the ‘What’s up doc?’ blog at Vitae and to attend their training event next month. The site prefers remarkably short articles (c. 300 words). I reduced this so as not to totally disregard their mantra, but why let the full effort go to waste?

Existing articles on the blog had offered different sorts of advice on conferences: choosing which to attend, and a set of ‘dos and don’ts’ for the events themselves. What had not yet been covered was the presenting of a conference paper. Continue reading ‘Presenting Conference Papers (for Vitae)’

East Midlands Early Modern Colloquium

Religion, Print and Visual Culture in the Early Modern Period [April 2011].

The second East Midlands Early Modern Colloquium convened at De Montfort University in April 2011 after a three year hiatus. Delegates from Leicester, Loughborough, Nottingham, and Nottingham Trent joined home convenor Siobhan Keenan at the impressive Clephan Building for an equally impressive set of papers. [Full schedule attached here].

Continue reading ‘East Midlands Early Modern Colloquium’

What’s in a Title? Can More Be Made Out of the Same?

Last autumn, in a fit of generosity, I wrote an article on blogging for everywoman that has been well received. It is always easier to preach than to practice. So often easier said than done. Perhaps I can write convincingly on what makes a good blog. But can I practice it?

Any self-respecting professional in any field is interested in bettering themselves and their work. Sometimes it is a necessity for survival in competitive arenas. Recently, I witnessed copywriter and peer Al Allday make some changes to his site, influenced by his competitors but still strongly fashioned to himself. My space is very different – it is in no way fashioned as any sort of business portal – but this silent observation has certainly made me think about what it takes to improve even a quiet cornerstone like this page.

Continue reading ‘What’s in a Title? Can More Be Made Out of the Same?’

Measuring Privacy: An Ode

New Horizons (Alphaville)

Winter's enigmatic whiteness (Alphaville: New Horizons)

The weather gripping Britain this weekend is perfectly representative of how the PhD has gone since an Apprentice-style interview in the summer: too much white, and nothing moving very far very fast. Leicester-based Joanna Riley described the process in Wednesday’s penultimate pain-fest as ‘mental torture’. Ironic, then, that December has proved a strangely productive month.

A paper was presented at the Leicester Postgraduate Forum earlier in the month. I returned last week for a bibliographical assessment, and met my supervisor in the British Library on Friday to submit 6,250 words. That’s 8% of the thesis this term, and over 30% in this calendar year.

An iron grip has come from nowhere, thanks to a self-imposed deadline which should have been imposed much earlier. The right ‘formula’ continues to elude, but the weeks of slow reading and constant editing do appear to make something click eventually.

I have looked forward to, and feared, this section the most. Continue reading ‘Measuring Privacy: An Ode’

Restoration Recessions

Bridge Over Troubled Water (Bristol)

From the 1660s… the gentry’s prejudice against the moneyed wealth of the City grew ever stronger. More and more beholden to the City themselves for finance to cover their expenses or improve their land, they resented wealth built out of their own difficulties… Royalists particularly blamed the bankers, whom they felt to have had a large hand in the exploitation of royalist estates during the war. The City was (however inaccurately) depicted as dominated by Presbyterians, whose reputation for pious words mixed with sharp practice accorded well with the gentry’s view of the City as a whole. The gentry, it seemed to them, were impoverished as the City got rich. Eventually, some of them felt, their power and influence would go the same way as their wealth. Bankers, said one MP in 1670, “are the commonwealths-men that destroy the nobility and gentry”: they were parasites feeding off, and gradually killing, the wealth and power of the gentry.

Paul Seaward, The Restoration 1660-1688 (Macmillan, 1990), p. 29.

With seventeenth-century precedents in our media revolution and the brand of hypocrisy that bred the expenses scandal, it would appear that the banking crisis – or at least the prominence of the City and the growing dislike of bankers’ wealth – also had early-modern parallels.

Humans always claim to learn from experience, but that only ever lasts until the point when they believe that they know better. That’s when it normally turns out that they don’t know better. Thus, it’s just all one sphere of slow, perpetual motion.

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Editor

More silence. I am becoming my own PhD subject. Privacy, unfortunately, is multi-faceted. On the one hand, a fascinating subject, but on the other, also a rather uncomfortable mindset. It is like a form of writing anorexia (and I know how loaded that term is); there is more pleasure in the discipline I take from choosing not to write. Perhaps it is the vulnerability or fear of betrayal. Perhaps it is the protection, away from the uncomfortable places that writing invariably reaches. I continue to believe I am doing the right thing in keeping emotional charges locked up.

But this is just it. How many tabloid stories continue to roll out at the expense of private lives? What they uncover tends to be mischief and skullduggery,  just about enough to justify the intrusion in the majority of eyes. I don’t want my private life uncovering. I read a fascinating piece earlier about editorial decisions, which suggests that all good intentions do yield to become the paving stones towards hell.

Continue reading ‘Editor’

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